Welcome to the uncertainty.
Depression and anxiety seem to be so taboo of a subject for most people. But my two closest friends are Depression and Anxiety. Some days I feel better than most but those days do not last very long. I fight with myself. I fit within myself. No one sees the battle scars. I am bruised. I am bleeding. I am torn.
There is no cocktail of medication that can happily fix a broken heart. Broken things take time to mend. Like a sparrow who fell from it’s nest, I must tend to my wounds and dare to flutter my wings again. But my feet seem so planted on the ground, fixated on the pain I felt from whence I fell. But no one can feel my pain. I am broken. I am scared. I am …
Strong is the coffee in which I sip each morning, contemplating my every next move. I walk on eggshells around my own mind, not wanting to trip on a wire of despair. Weak is the wall I’ve built around my heart, unable to withstand the storm that is brewing inside my head. I have become my own hurricane. Destruction easily follows.
Take a breath. Take a minute. Take… Take… Take.
Stop giving and just, for once, take what is needed. For you, for yourself. Stop losing yourself in this mundane thought of loneliness. Stop trapping yourself in this figment of misery and sadness. No one is truly alone.
But I do … feel alone. Surrounded by multiple voices, I feel most alone. I hate not knowing. It gives me jitters of anxiety I cannot shake. The future is unknown. The past is uncertain. But my present feels like a gift of chaos. I’m in a whirlwind of my own emotions and I can’t catch my breath.