Honeymoon Phase, Maybe

The honeymoon phase is usually known as the first couple of months of a new relationship in which everything is still viewed in a positive light. Everyone is still very happy and care-free during this “phase.”

Usually, “too good to be true,” is indeed true.

I have been dating since I was twelve. Early, I know. What did I know then? Absolutely nothing. My first real life relationship happened when I was about 18 and it was awful. From that 18-year-old moment until now I have only had a handful of serious relationships. To be exact, there were a total of maybe one and a HALF real relationships that I have personally been in. How sad.

Every person is different, this is true. Happiness means different things to different people. I am not above perfection for I have my flaws. I used to think that my loving too hard was a flaw or defect of some sort. I used to think this becuase there were people unworthy of my love receiving it. Not anymore. I have spent years pondering the meaning behind my own happiness. What makes My smile? What makes my heart sing with glee? How do I feel when …? The self questioning would go on and on.

I have recently put all of my worries aside. I took a crazy leap and actually went on a date with someone I spent only a few hours texting with. I was nervous, scared. But that leap took me to a new level of happiness. I honestly have not felt this accepted and this wanted by another human being who wasn’t family. He wanted more than just my body. He starves my ego and he feeds my soul. The wavelengths of our minds connect on a much higher level than I have connected with anyone else. He brings to me a new level of comfort and it makes me smile.

He kisses me as he leans in speaking to me. He isn’t afraid to show me affection. The way he makes me feel is beyond pleasurable. He connects with my innermost self. I have spent every moment with him possible and I can’t get enough.

My fear has always been whether I am doing too much or too little. He tells me to do whatever I am most comfortable with – no force. I move within my own speed and he matches every step. More than content, I am happyI want this to be more than a honeymoon phase. I just want this to be. Wish my happiness into existence and it will be.

To others this may very well be my honeymoon phase … I’m hoping this is just life.

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