I have completely had enough of the constant games!
I honestly don’t think that it has been that long since I have left and re-entered the dating world. Things just seem so much more complicated today than it used to then. It is a constant game of cat and mouse, upper hand going to the mouse! This is utterly ridiculous. Do people actually have tolerance for this kind of thing, now? I just cannot wrap my mind around this at all.
I was wary of dating again after my son’s father. I felt like I was a pawn in this necessity of life. I was being tugged, pushed, and pulled every which way. I was never enough, I felt like. When will someone see my whole potential and stop wasting my time? Finally, after my son was born and turned a year old, and some change, I decided to give dating another go. Fooled around with a few people to get my groove back and I was all right with that. The emotions were not there. Then I met a guy I thought would be fun to date. I thought it went well until he told me he was interested in dating someone else. I appreciated his honesty and kept it moving. Met someone new and began dating for about two months before I thought to myself, “I don’t think this is the right guy for me.” After ending things with him, my son’s dad decides to pop back in.
I am a family oriented person to the fullest. I try my best everyday to put the needs of all my closest family before my own. No one could ever question my love for family. So it is without a doubt that I would have been willing to give this guy another chance to be a part of my son’s life. It lasted a solid three months and three major Holidays before his truest colors came roaring back in and making me question everything. He was unsupportive, untrustworthy, unloyal, and just, simply, a big sack of nothingness. How could a parent be so damn distant with their own flesh and blood? (But this is a story for another topic.) Needless to say, love just was not in my cards.
One day, an old friend decided to hit me up and one conversation led to another. “Why don’t we start dating,” he says to me. I asked about the distance and he said he didn’t matter. He could easily come to see me wherever I was at. All the sweet nonsense, flawless imperfections, and I was melting like butter. He said all the right stuff. He did all the right things … at first. After weeks of talking and two little dates, we have sex. Sex was amazing. More than okay. Then the texts turned from hot to not. The calls ceased to exist, anymore. The pictures sent were minimal. I began to question myself and my ability to make someone feel special. In reality, he failed me. He lied to me. He led me on.
There were no more talks of the future and no more whispered sweet nothings. I was confused, dazed, left oblivious to his artificial happiness.
It takes months, if not years, for two people to come in and out of love. I’ve been on this merry-go-round and off again too many times. Days, weeks if I’m lucky, is all it takes for someone to show me good to bad. I am sick of it. I am tired. I am drained, emotionally. Done with this mess.