What lies in the unseen will one day reveal itself.
Some of us go through life plotting from the moment we wake up to the second we fall asleep. Some of us were just born with a nasty bone in our bodies that like to cause chaos and dilemma. And then there are those of us who overcome those crazy urges and do our best to live with a moral compass.
Throughout the 28 years I have spent on this Earth I have seen so much hurt, sadness, happiness – a roller coaster of emotions. I have come across good and bad people and have questioned myself on the role I play. I have had two kids out of wedlock but have never denied either of my children. I love them both the same and I cannot imagine a parent who isn’t physically capable of caring, loving, and living for their child(ren). And yet I have crossed paths with such people, if you could call them that.
I used to think that the worst thing that could happen to me was what I went through with my first child, my first pregnancy. I was wrong. Although I cannot agree with everything my ex did to me while I was carrying his child, I cannot say that this man is a bad father. He does it all for this child of ours and I am so blessed, and happy, to say that he is my son’s father. I am proud to say that my son has two parents, and an extra thanks to my ex’s wife, who love him unconditionally. I went through all I did because it was God’s plan. And I believe that fate is predetermined. I trust in Him enough to know that all that has happened with my son and I were supposed to go the way it has.
I cannot, however, come to understand why I had to go through an almost similar situation with my second pregnancy. To be cheated on, lied to, and betrayed in such a way. This could not possibly be in His plan for me. How am I to raise a child on my own? What will the others say about my decisions in life? I was frightened. I was young. I knew nothing other than my family to turn to, but thank the Lord I had my family to turn to. There was a blessing in disguise in this bad situation of mine. Through this difficult time I found my faith in God again. And I began to see that this, too, was in His plans for me.
Two years, and some change, later and not much has changed. Three months spent with my baby, and after that it became four “visits” which consisted of a few hours, total. But this betrayal isn’t towards me, you see. When my son doesn’t recognize your face, your voice, and when he can no longer call you “daddy” please don’t become angry with me. Remember that these are the things you have bestowed upon yourself. Remember that while you’re boasting to those people who matter none, you are not fooling Him. Remember that that only person who matters in this equation is this little boy who calls me mommy.
All the money in this world cannot compare to the love, time, and patience a parent can, and should, give to their child(ren). When a parent asks for child support, it is not for them. You can give your money, which the child(ren) have all the rights to, but it will never compare to the endless and unconditional time and love given to them. Just remember that.