What I Am

I consider myself a very strong willed person but at times I fall weak to my own thoughts. I have had some very irrational perceptions on love and how relationships should work. I have been the victim of my own illusions. Perfection is what we believe it to be and I have set my standards and goals so high that when I do not reach that ultimate level, I begin to crush my own self. And that is what makes it so unhealthy.

I believe myself to be a hopeless romantic. I always hope for that one person to sweep me off my feet; the perfect one for me. It wasn’t until I had my first child that I truly knew the meaning of love. Everyone I have met so far has been an illusion, a slice, of what I truly want to find in a life partner. I’ve turned a blind eye to too many mistakes and flaws that, eventually, led to the demise of the relationship. My children are a reflection of who I am and so my partner should also be someone who, I feel, could reflect me and better me as I can do the same for him. Because, after all, a relationship is a partnership … Hopefully a long-term one at best.

I have much to work on within myself before I set out to find that perfect one for me. I don’t want to be the one holding someone back from their potential and I surely wouldn’t want for someone to hold me back from becoming a better me. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have a clear mind and it feels so revitalizing. My main purpose in this life will always remain clear, however, and that is to be the best mother to my sons. Everything else I do in life will just be a reflection on that purpose.

I am a mother. I am a woman. I am a dreamer. And now I will become a doer.

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