I love you so I…

I love you so I had to let you go because my love for you is more than I can handle, more than I could ever dare to admit. I love you so I had to set you free because I honestly don’t know the right way to love you. It hurts to love you.

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A Letter to The Father

Dear Mr. Dad,
Although you neglect your duties as a father I cannot blame you. You are weak and I will not kick you while you’re already down. I want you to know that he will continue to thrive without you in his life. Maybe one day you will finally see him as something more and have a sudden urge to get to know him. That day may come too late. I’m not a monster and I won’t hold him back from the truth, but I will protect him from harm, even if that harm turns out to be his own “father“. This is a promise, not a threat.

What I Am

I consider myself a very strong willed person but at times I fall weak to my own thoughts. I have had some very irrational perceptions on love and how relationships should work. I have been the victim of my own illusions. Perfection is what we believe it to be and I have set my standards and goals so high that when I do not reach that ultimate level, I begin to crush my own self. And that is what makes it so unhealthy.

I believe myself to be a hopeless romantic. I always hope for that one person to sweep me off my feet; the perfect one for me. It wasn’t until I had my first child that I truly knew the meaning of love. Everyone I have met so far has been an illusion, a slice, of what I truly want to find in a life partner. I’ve turned a blind eye to too many mistakes and flaws that, eventually, led to the demise of the relationship. My children are a reflection of who I am and so my partner should also be someone who, I feel, could reflect me and better me as I can do the same for him. Because, after all, a relationship is a partnership … Hopefully a long-term one at best.

I have much to work on within myself before I set out to find that perfect one for me. I don’t want to be the one holding someone back from their potential and I surely wouldn’t want for someone to hold me back from becoming a better me. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I have a clear mind and it feels so revitalizing. My main purpose in this life will always remain clear, however, and that is to be the best mother to my sons. Everything else I do in life will just be a reflection on that purpose.

I am a mother. I am a woman. I am a dreamer. And now I will become a doer.

Was Blind, Now I See

If you dress well you tend to feel better about yourself. I find this to be very true. How you look reflects on how you feel about yourself from the inside, out. It is all about confidence, my friends. And instead of negatively criticizing one another we should really learn to appreciate everyone’s own unique style and image.

Size shouldn’t be an indicator for beauty. There is such a huge difference between someone who is sloppy and just doesn’t care about how they look and someone who is big but does what they can to contour their image to fit their body. I was a big girl judging other big girls but guess what, that was due to my own insecurities. I’m doing what I do to better myself and become a healthier, more happy me. You can’t get anywhere in life by judging others while your flaws are still at large, no pun intended.

I am amazed by the different levels of ignorance and stupidity that surround people today. When did we become so focused on artificial beauty? If this is how the majority of us see the world’s beauty then I say the happiest of us are among the blind community because they are able to see with their hearts. It isn’t them who are born in darkness but us who are born in light yet cannot see the true potential of others and our surroundings.